


of all the small towns in the world

by progressivestupidity (octolingkiera)



Series: you are not a human being (iz species swap) [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Some Cursing, Species Swap, no beta we die like writers, zim is jumpy af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octolingkiera/pseuds/progressivestupidity
Summary: For the Moo-Ping 10 server writing contest Sep. 2020Prompt: Zim is a perfectly normal human worm baby (no, really this time), and he’s fairly sure that this new “Dib” kid that’s just walked into his homeroom is an alien.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), GIR & Zim (Invader Zim), Invader Skoodge & Zim
Series: you are not a human being (iz species swap) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913941
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	of all the small towns in the world

**Author's Note:**

> i love me some species swap au
> 
> i have a whole species swap au planned but none of it's posted, so take this little oneshot as a way to kickstart me into maybe posting some of it, finally. 
> 
> i didnt find a place to mention it anywhere here but zim and skoodge are 13, gir is 9-going-on-10.
> 
> title a direct reference to "Of All The Gin Joints In All The World" by fall out boy (tho the song has nothing to do with this fic)

Zim is sitting at his desk, flicking the buttons on his fidget cube, when _he_ walks in. Zim pays him no mind, trying his best to see how fast he can flip the switch without making any sound, so he jumps at the loud voice at the head of the class.

“Hello fellow students!”

Zim drops his cube and head jerks up to see some guy he’s never seen before smiling awkwardly as he stands beside Ms. Bitters. He looks utterly unremarkable, save for the (large) size of his head, made larger by his huge, round glasses, and Zim is immediately disinterested, choosing instead to look for his cube.

“My name is Dib, and I hope to learn all I can from this educational facility.”

Zim scoffs and rolls his eyes as he leans out of his chair to pick up his cube. He vaguely hears Ms. Bitters say something about sitting down and shutting up and he almost snickers. He resettles and goes back to his fidgeting for all of a few seconds before he feels eyes on him.

He turns and locks eyes on the new kid. Dib is staring back at him, totally unabashed, and Zim furrows his brow to glare back. Dib merely smiles and waves back. Zim sticks his tongue out and flips him off for good measure. Dib’s smile melts into a confused frown and Zim watches as the new kid looks down at his own hands as if seeing them for the first time. Zim follows his line of sight and freezes when he notices something odd.

Dib only has four fingers on each hand, not five.

Zim tries not to stare, really he does, but he can’t help it. There’s no obvious signs of amputation or trauma he can see from across the classroom, but from the way Dib’s staring at his hands, it’s like the boy wasn’t aware that his hands were any different.

Oh well. It’s not Zim’s problem. He turns back to his cube, tunes out whatever lecture Ms. Bitters is going on about now, and goes back to minding his own business.

* * *

Lunch starts like normal. The bell rings, everyone heads down to the cafeteria, and Zim claims his table in the corner just like always. Gir joins him a few minutes later, followed by Skoodge, and they sit in quiet, companionable silence as they eat.

Zim jerks with a start as tray slams down in front of him, and he looks up to see Dib with that same awkward smile from the classroom.

“Can I sit here?” Dib says, swinging a leg over the bench without waiting for an answer. Skoodge grumbles unintelligibly and scoots over to give him more room. Dib turns to grin at him before giving his cafeteria food his full attention.

At his side, Gir nudges Zim with his elbow. “Did’ja make a new friend?”

Zim levels a flat stare at Dib. “No, he’s just some new kid in our class.”

“Aww, you should be friends!” Gir says, bumping into Zim repeatedly. “I like friends!”

Dib looks up and grins at Gir. “You wanna be my friend?”

Gir nods and stretches an arm across the table. “Yeah! Hi, I’m Gir! This is my big brother Zim and that’s his friend Skoodge!”

Dib stares at the hand for a moment before reaching out and clapping his palm to Gir’s. “Nice to meet you. I’m Dib.”

Gir blinks at their hands for a moment before giggling and pulling back. “Heh. I like you. You’re funny.”

Zim rolls his eyes. “‘Funny’ isn’t the word I’d use, but sure, let’s go with that.”

“So… What brings you to live here instead of wherever you’re from?” Skoodge asks, giving Dib a polite glance before going back to his lunch.

Dib stiffens just enough for Zim to notice before stuttering through his answer. “Uh, well! You see… My… _parents_ had me—us—moved for… work. My—my _mom_ is the leader of a huge company and had me and my compa— _sister_ come live here with our dad. This is my first time living away from home.”

“Well, you gots a new home, now!” Gir says, giving a big smile.

Dib gives a half grin of his own. “Yeah. Guess so.”

Zim scoffs and pulls his second sandwich box out of his lunch bag. As much as he wants to tell Dib to get lost, Gir seems determined to be friends with the boy, so Zim would tolerate him—for now. He pops the lid off the box and before he can fully register what’s happened, Dib is holding the lid in his own hands as he gapes at the design.

“What the hell is your problem?” Zim snaps, reaching to take it back.

Dib quickly pulls it back, then turns it to show off the picture of a bright green head with large black eyes. “You eat aliens here?”

Zim opens his mouth, shuts it again. His brow furrows and all he can say is, “Eh?”

Gir giggles at his side while Skoodge tilts his head at Dib, asking, “Is that—is that supposed to be a joke?”

Dib blinks, dumbstruck for a moment. “O-oh! Yeah, definitely. A joke, haha.”

Zim’s face drops into a glare. “Oh, yeah, good one. Totally had me in stitches.” He holds his hand out, expectant. “Now give it back.”

“Sorry,” Dib says, giving a sheepish grin. “Why does it have a picture of an alien if it’s not what’s in the box?”

“Because I like it, duh,” Zim says, snatching the lid back. He tucks it under the box and pulls out his food. “Aliens are cool. Who knows how many are out there, or what they look like.”

“Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all,” Dib says with entirely too much confidence.

Zim barks a sharp laugh. Gir snickers and says, “What, don’t like aliens?”

“Maybe Dib’s just seen too many movies. There’s only so many times you can watch the same alien rip through the same guy’s chest,” Skoodge says, trying and failing to stifle his own laughter.

“Oh, come on, that one’s a classic!” Zim argues, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I could watch it all day!”

“He has,” Gir confirms, nodding at the others.

“Like you have room to talk, Mr. ‘I’m gonna watch it again,’” Zim says, pitching his voice up in a mocking imitation of Gir.

“So there’s a lot of movies about aliens?” Dib asks before Gir can open his mouth.

The three of them turn to blink at Dib in near unison. “Uh, yeah?” Zim arches a brow at Dib. “What, have you been living under a rock your whole life?”

“Maybe _he’s_ an alien!” Gir cries, sending Zim and Skoodge into a fresh round of laughter.

Dib gives a weak laugh of his own. “Heh, heh. Yeah… you caught me! I’m… I’m definitely an a-alien,” he mumbles.

Zim calms down enough to scoff. “Yeah, right. What would aliens want with the Earth anyway? Shit’s fucked here and we’re gonna ruin it soon enough on our own. We don’t need help.” He gestures at the dirty cafeteria around them. “Besides,” he continues, taking another bite. “You’d be, like, the worst alien ever. Why would you _choose_ to have a head that big?”

Gir elbows him in the side. “Don’t be mean! I—” He looks over at Dib and he closes his mouth. Lips pressed tightly together, he says again, “Don’t be mean.”

“Alright, fine.” Zim sighs and holds a hand up in surrender. “Finish your food. Lunch is almost over.”

As if summoned, the shrill ring of the bell cuts through the air. Zim jumps but gets up, packing away his sandwich boxes into his bag. Dib practically sprints away and Zim rolls his eyes. He waves Gir off and walks to class with Skoodge, thinking back over their conversation. The idea of it is stupid. Dib? An alien? Get real. The odds of that had to be so slim they were almost zero. And yet…

Zim can’t help but think… what if he _is_?

**Author's Note:**

> what if we were friends but one of us was an alien? haha jk jk... unless?
> 
> lemme know what you think! :3
> 
> [check me out on tumblr!](https://progressivestupidity.tumblr.com/)


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